I have not posted in a while

I have not been to this blog for the better part of this month. I have put up different posts on more public fora. My visits here have almost always been interrupted. I realise now that I can only blog best late in the night when nobody's awake to ask me this and that. It is also the best time for me to gather my thoughts on what has happened over the course of the day. that and fighting mosquitos (These bloody things don't seem to realise that we are in the dry season; a time to starve)

I have a lot I wish to say, about work, life, love, the country and many other things, but I shall only put down that which matters most... the spiritual relationship with God.

I prayed today. It is the first time I can remember prating out of my own will.I neither closed my eyes, nor did I say much, but I managed to whisper a few words to the man upstairs. I know he listened. It must have made him happy to hear from me after such a long time (I have disappeared from a lot of people, intentionally, but that is a tale for another day)

The last time I prayed was over a meal with my mew pal W. And in that case she prompted the prayer rather than me. The other day she asked me to accompany her to a christian gig, and I felt so out of place there, like I did not belong; I felt more at ease when lady M and I were at a bar, albeit I feel at home any time and anywhere I find myself with her (Lady M).

I am beginning to question my faith and wonder; Have I lost God? Has church simply become a habit that I do because I am expected to?

I know He's there; Calling to me. He wants me by his side even with all the shit that I have chosen to bury and forget. He's showing me the path that I need to follow... He promises to grant me the desires of my heart. Yet I am afraid that He will pull me away from some people who have brought me so much joy in my life over the past few months.

This is war

Tha daggers have been drawn the paint has been applied; Fuck it's even been splashed on. This is not going to be pretty. I am getting ready for war.

This is classic David against Goliath. The good thing about my opponent is that he feels he as more power then he actually does. This is because I have not been known to be confrontational. I feel bad for him. He should have picked on someone else. Oh well he picked me and crossed a line that I never let people cross without chopping off their foot.

I might sound cocky, but I am well aware that this is not going to be an easy fight. It'll be bloody difficult. the chances of my success are slim at best. However, as long as they exist I know I can pull of a surprise victory. Surprise to the world, not so much to me.

I cannot afford to fight his way, it's too expensive. I can't stick to the trenches, i'll find myself fighting a losing battle. I must use the tools most handy to me; my wits and the system. Make his enemies my friends, have that mutual purpose to see him go down without seeming to do so in the first place. This is a tough nut to crack. It could take months, but I am mentally ready to do it!!