Wednesday, March 30, 2011

the wanderings of my heart (Search for muse)

I have been crushed, used, beaten and even stomped on. And I could easily use this as an excuse for not daring to venture out of the ice palace that I have built around myself in the past. What A fool of a man I am, to underestimate the power of the heart.

And because I have loved and been loved before, because I have tasted the sweetness of having another heart beat in tune with mine, I dare venture out again.

Just when I had shut up shop indefinitely.... The ice walls around me came melting down. Like the rambling of Hebrew feet brought the walls of Jericho down, so has the fortress erected around my heart come down and now it lies bare, exposed...

To have pulled off such an act is without doubt amazing  and the only way I can describe her is... AWESOME!!! And that's putting it lightly.

My heart has wandered for many years searching for a muse. The wanderings have been long and hard. I wandered through a desert of love chasing after never ending mirages... At some point I was lucky to I have stumbled across an oasis only to be quickly chased away by another before I could take a sip of water.
The sun rose and set, and many moons past and at last after what seemed like many years of wandering, I found a place I felt I could rest and call home. It was sweet at first, but it was not for me as no sooner had I started to settle, than the well began to dry up and the owner to chased me away.

I swore never to seek the company of trudge through this life alone. I built a castle and froze my heart. Little did I know who was coming. As soon as my heart saw her it began to beat. And who can control the beat of a heart?

Her who captured our minds like no other did.
Who with the bat of an eyelid could make us raise an army to answer her call.
She who didn't ask for my heart, yet found it beating right next to hers.
Who feels like she does not deserve, but I find the most deserving,

And this is for her. My B, My muse

Just like the song, we started off as lovers and friends, before a long painful parting.
One where we both went through both heaven and hell in our lives.
And now, by some beautiful stroke of fortune, I find that we are back in each others lives again
and that I love you like never before

Why do I love you like this?
Why do you occupy my every waking thought?
Why is it that all I want to do is explore my 5 senses with you?
To see not just your that beautiful smile that turns storms to away, but to see the world through your eyes
To hear not just your laugh, in that voice that make my heart drift away, but to hear your thoughts and dreams and to hear your fears disappear (ma rhymes!!!)
To catch a whiff of you as you walk by , and be completely intoxicated by your essence that will make me follow your every command
To not just taste your lips for hours on end, but to taste life together until our sunset years.
To feel your touch, hold you in my arms and touch not only your heart, but the lives of those you hold in your heart!!

I love you B
I will wait for you.
And I'll be here for you when you need me.
And even when pull away I'll still be here.
Because that is the love God wants you to have.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

of facebook psychos and village women

So there is this thing called Facebook. If you do not know of it, then you have just crawled out from under a rock and straight into my blog. This could only be described as a modern day  miracle!!

If you are completely clueless as to what I am on about please click here, On second thought, ask whoever brought you here to show you Facebook. If there is no one, I wish you well in your travels through the world wide web!!

So, Facebook has literally taken over the world. whether or not one chooses to acknowledge it. The uses it provides to  people are as diverse as the users themselves. for some it's a fashion show where they can parade the no. of friends they have. Others use it to find love and relationships, while others use it for more devious reasons.

Many a blog and indeed article has been written about Facebook etiquette etc. This is not one of them. Today I write about the Facebook psychos. These people are there to seek one thing and one thing only. Attention. Maybe don't have enough of it from family and friends and so choose to  it here.... I don't know. all I know is that they will do anything to seek the attention that they want.

How to identify them is the easy part.

  1. Friends: It is likely that they have 100,000 friends. Ok. I exaggerate. Maybe not, but you get the picture. they have an insane no. of friends. So many that you can't be sure they know over half of them. But this in itself is not a conclusive factor
  2. Posts. They can have anything from 5status updates upwards in a day. Usually of irrelevant things such as I am walking to school. They are so many that you can literally follow them through the day. And not just that, but also know their every waking thought. but it doesn't stop there. It carries on to wall posts, notes and tagging themselves and their friends onto every little thing they come across...
  3. Comments: They live on them. It is the lifeblood that keeps them alive. To comment on their wall is like feeding a starving man. They owe you their lives after that. And if a certain post generates quite a few comments, be sure that they shall try to replicate it in some other shape or form.
  4. Personal info: Namely Relationship status and Names. these change every other week. It can move from complicated to single to married in a span of two months. This will usually be accompanied by relevant status updates/posts etc. The name can change to reflect their mood or latest fad....

Love them or hate them, they are an interesting lot though. And we do love to watch....

Now part 2 of this post...
This was inspired by an idle talk that I once had back in campus. So, we were discussing why the poor in society generally had more kids that those that were better off. and all the different arguments were brought forth, ignorance, idleness, not affording to use contraceptives  few alternative entertainment methods etc etc

But one of us who'd been sitting quietly at the back came up with what we believe was an inspired thought. the women bring out sexiness more. WHAT????? HOW????? NEVER!!!!! (that's what went through my mind at the time) Then  eh broke it down for us.

Question: Who is generally more attractive. The one who shows skin or the one who doesn't? The answer seems obvious, but is it. Sure as men we are visual creatures. We see skin, we come running, but we cant stay attracted for long we seek to see the skin of the one who doesn't reveal it... but we need a hint to know it's there. And that's where the village girl has this battle won hands down. Ask yourself why the business man will cheat on his supermodel wife with the maid?

According to my pal, if you take a walk in the poor neighbourhoods, you'll notice that the women rarely wear bras only T-shirts, and in some cases no underwear. Now, when working in the house they are usually bent over, thus revealing.... When these women go to work in the suburbs, they carry along the same way; no bra just T-shirts. Now even the pope wouldn't avoid, but take a peek.... hee!! hee!!

So there you have it. It all comes down to the allure of the known. Dear ladies, perfumes, slits, high heels and wonder bras, may seem like good tools to use to attract men, but please don't forget the bare essentials... (pun intended). In regards to love making, what men want is your body, tempt them with it...


One of my all time favourite books is the Prince. I consider it an absolute classic and  a must read for anyone thinking of ever taking up a leadership role. In a way it teaches one to remove themselves from the masses and maintain power over them which is something all fancy. Recently I started reading Robert Greene's 48 Laws of Power. It's simply delightful.

It has occurred to me that for many years I had subscribed to a similar train of thought. I tended to treat the general masses in a very pragmatic way. This especially came to the fore after I had finished high school. It began to be apparent to all, that friends held no permanency in my life save for a select few. Some found this distasteful, others amusing and others were totally fascinating. But one thing was evident. By seemingly having no attachment to how people felt about me or my actions, I gained power and became a reference point to them. A director of sorts. In a way I had come of as an impartial leader.

I have carried this thought process in the way I do business. To quote Adam Smithfron his famous book, Wealth of Nations;

"It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities but of their advantages."

This is not the carrot and stick approach that has been given as a way of managing organisations; where eternal promises to keep the client/staff is used to keep them coming back for more whipping. Neither do I believe that bending over backwards and going around giving away all manner of gifts and trinkets is suitable.

I believe that it is by appealing to the "greed" of the person and meeting it in a way in which you as the leader can meet your goals.

Take this example. Employee A's need (read: greed) might be to get well paid, while C values autonomy above all else and D seeks recognition. What is a manager to do given the diverse range of needs presented here. Especially if the organisation question is not of large size?
That is the questions managers face every day. How to meet these needs to achieve their ultimate goal.
To answer this we must come to accept one undeniable fact. Not every one can have what they have when they want it. Therein I believe lies the trick. It is to give the different individuals the need they most require when you most require their particular skill.
Say for example a project where A's need is most required is coming up. It would be a nice time to probably propose to pay a one of bonus, or give an extra monetary incentive to get the most out of A and by extension C and D. Because lets us face the fact, while money might not be the biggest boost for them, It certainly doesn't hurt. And the cycle can be repeated for the rest.

Warped thinking? Maybe!!

Monday, March 28, 2011


Honestly they have been and can be better.
I overslept in the morning to wake up and rush for a 7:30 meeting outside the office which I miraculously made it it for....
Reason for lack of sleep was probably from a lack of sleep. I have been unable to sleep well over the past few weeks for various reasons that I have highlighted in a not so clearly in several posts. But last night was a bit different.

B is sick. I'm worried. I feel so helpless not being able to be ther with her. To drive her to see the doc, sit in the waiting room reading boring magazines. Feed her. Carry her in my arms if need be. Be her butler.... The things I would not do for this woman....
All I can do now gte on my knees and pray for her. That God will mend her body and that she'll be whole again.... And hope that it happens sooner rather than later.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I want it

There are a few things that I have said I shall not partake in in life.
One of those things is sex....
It's almost 2:00 am and sleep has been robbed of me. My body aches with need. I'm horny. I want to fuck. I want it so bad I feel like I'll burst with desire. I want to hold and kiss her tenderly. To have her feel the warmth of my hands as I caress her beautiful body... For us to experience the tingling sensation of excitement and adrenaline just before we begin. I want to to bring her close to me and hold her tightly as our bodies become one and we move in  unison to the sound of our lovemaking. I want it to be slow and sweet, yet passionate and hot. I want it now. To make it worse I know who I want....

It is likely that if I do have sex it might to be an anti climax. probably because I am unsure or scared and too excited; this being my first time. but that does not make me want it less. The curiosity around the whole matter is making things worse.

Majority of my friends have already taken the dip. A few haven't. Only three of whom I consider to be my boys, but seeing as speaking about this in the society I live in is considered taboo, especially in Christian circles, I have chosen to live it out here...

I have been warned about the dangers of sex. Not just the usual STD's etc, but of the spiritual emotional and psychological bond formed between two that can give one power over another. and take years to break...I've read all the literature and heard all the talks, but there still remains one undeniable fact....
I want too fuck!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

being me


I don't like them and for the longest time I haven't. As I have grown up my reasons for liking them have varied as follows....

I think this was the last time I went for a wedding and liked it. It was one of the few occasions that I would get to drink soda/ more specifically coke. I'd chug down those bottles until the frothy gas came out of my mouth. Then at one point I discovered that I could  replicate the splashing of  champagne done by race drivers, My childhood heros!!! This all died one day when I accompanied my dad for a wedding. He left me seated on a bench where I was summarily displaced and made to stand for the entire service..... The was the beginning of my not liking weddings.

As I grew older, it was the fact that I was being dragged to a wedding for my mother's friends too touch my face and tell me that I'd grown so big!!! And in my mind I was, "What did you expect?" Add on to the fact that I'd rather be home playing football. Hadn't my folks recognised my budding talent?

As a a teenager. It was simply not cool to go anywhere with the folks. we'd all gather together in little groups and mourn how much this sucks!!! Luckily, me being in boarding school helped avoid a lot of weddings.

Come university and I really didn't get the point of weddings. I saw them as a means of signing off your free will. Love and I have had a tough relationship and I just didn't have much faith in it back then

Now, I sort of get why people do weddings, but I don't like the reasons they are done the way they are. This brings me to the point of this entire post. I think that one should spend their blood sweat and tears on a single day. However, there are this things called wedding shows and wedding fairs etc that sell to prospective wife material what the picture of their wedding should be. We have couples going broke trying to have the perfect day.

It all starts with a simple lie. a fib even. And it usually goes like this "I'm a simple girl. I don't see the need for big fancy weddings" before you know it you're busy hounding your pal to find out where people hire classic cars because your fiancee will not be stepping out of anything less than a classic old white E-type Jaguar..... WTF!!!

Then you have the relative with all kinds of demands. Mother wants 300 guests. father doesn't care mother in law wants another 300 guests. Fiancee doesn't think you care because you said yes to all the colours she excitedly proposed to you and no to the one she didn't seem to be into, yet secretly loved.... Meanwhile your boss isn't very willing to give you time off

Then you have people telling you how to dress, walk and talk in a wedding. And that includes me the guest. Why should I change who I am for this day? What happened to taking people as they are?

I conclude that there are very few weddings that I shall truly like. Mine being no. 1 not for the fanfare and tricks. But for the fact that it's the day I give myself to the love of my life!!!!

Now don't get me wrong. I know that it's serious, and it's important, but at the end of it all, It's just one day....

Friday, March 25, 2011

happiness (breaking it down)

What is it?
The dictionary describes it as a state of well being and contentment
Now, lets look at those words.

Well being: Some could say having things going for you. Good health; family; friends; wealth... a state of not being in want. A point at which you are whole.

Contentment: Being satisfied with what you have.

A friend of mine once commented that some of the most backward and primitive people in the world today are the most content. having lived a life of minimal exposure and simple pleasure, makes happiness much more easier to reach for them. Whereas for us, it is an entirely different story. We seek that which seems to bring joy to others. In a way seeking a higher level of satisfaction.

Unfortunately, we tend to emphasis material things such as money as sources of happiness. I sat down and reviewed my life the other day in this regard. At the point at which we graduated from university, we were all at the same level. no job. flat broke etc. Now, 3 yrs on, some people own cars homes, property, stock etc. While some are happy with their humble status, Others are busy playing catch up in a bid to prove something. For them, status is a means of actualisation (read happiness)

Along this train of thought, I began to ask myself what is the value of material things in life. Of course I want to be wealthy. I want to give my future family a comfortable base. So that they will never have to worry about where tomorrows meal comes from.

Probing deeper, I realised that what I seek isn't really the wealth, but what the wealth brings. Peace, stability, safety, comfort and not so much for myself, but for those that I love. Those I call my own.

I know a man who is wealthy by any standard in this world. However, for a long time, he was so married to his work. It was his family. At some point he had been sent by his office to work abroad. Whenever he happened to be back in his home country, he spent all his time in the local office. He would ask his wife to bring the kids to see him in the office on Sundays after church. WTH!!!! By the time he got his nose out of his work, the kids had already grown up, barley having known their father.

The question that I now ask myself is this. What do I really want in life? Happiness? Or the things that seem to bring it? Because the two are very different.

office blog

I had quite a day.... Just downloading some stuff before I head out.
Started off with an interesting meeting for reasons that shall not be stated here.
The meeting sort of stretched to for about 2 1/2 hours. I was busy texting B, emailing some people who I was working with in a project, and making contributions to the meeting at the same time.... I am a star

After half the day was spent in a meeting, there was a mad rush of about 3 hrs that involved banks, foreign currency, confused groups of people, ink, managing my bosses and NO FOOD!!!! After that mad rush period I was spent. I didn't even have enought energy to go to look for food. I just sat wasted!!!

Evening came and I finally got some food to eat... no the best meal I've had, but anything I put in my mouth tastes like heaven!!!

Plan for th evening? A pal of mine suggested that we go out for drinks at rafikis!!! NOT HAPPENING!!!! Too beat. Sleep. Besides, I dont go out anymore. Feeling too old.
Leads me to the question, why do people go out and squeeze at that small pub all night?

I have a wedding that I have to turn up for kesho.... Ladies any takers?

This download is taking too long... and it's 8:30 PM. I'm gone!!! Out like a light

Bad days turned Good

Interesting day this was....
I started at around 5 am when I felt myself awake. I had gone to bed at around midnight the previous night and couldn't figure out why I was awake at this hour. My alarm rings at 6 am. and it's always been a struggle to get out of bed (a good feeling) but this week I woke up before the alarm every single day.... I was shall get to the bottom of this.
I prepared myself and as I was walking out, what do I see? A puncture!! Needless to say I arrived late for work this morning. Moving on...

Mini Rant
I have a project that I am working on and someone is trying to pass the problems caused by their tardiness on to me. It's not happening. In as much as I have a role to play. I am only going to go so far to mitigate people's incompetence. People gotta learn that they cannot always get covered. What's worse is that from a certain point of the day, these guys would keep calling me to see the progress I had made. Are the freaking kidding me? You take several days to do your part and then expect me to pull miracles in less than 24 hrs?
This is not a magic show. It's life and people gotta know, that things take time to do....PUNKS!!!!!!! all of you are punks.
And then someone has the audacity to second guess me on something they don't have a clue about. Picture it this way. A person has a problem that they do not have the solution to. They come to you because they know you are likely to have it. And when you give it to them, the want to reject it because they don't think you're right.... ARE YOU HIGH ON SOME CHEAP ASS DRUGS!!!!!! You, the ignorant person won't accept my response because in your opinion.....*%#^&**%
You can take that opinion and shove it up your ass, and then puke it!!!! (Wow, what a release!!) rant over

Anyway day turned into dusk and night fell, and I still find myself in the office... then a text comes in. It's B, what a welcome person.... And after a bit of back and forth she comes to see me. I must have been the luckiest man on earth tonight. From the first moment I see her, I grab her into my arms. I'd missed her. She looks and sounds great.
So we sit at my desk, share a lovely moment, she tells me about her shopping, we talk anime, manga, diss each other, look outside the window, and me stealing glances at her.... Truly an amazing woman!!!

Now  I am home and it's time to watch anime, specifically History's Strongest Disciple - Kenichi!!!
As they say in Japanese; Yatta!!!!

Good night people!!! Wherever you are

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Not so long ago, I had risen from a dark period. One where my life was basically shit. God sent me an amazing woman to help me move past them. When she came along, she brought light into my life. She was so amazing. It's been the most beautiful time of my life.I had believed that dark days were behind me and that I had found love again.
I've given my heart away to the most amazing woman in the world, B. But now my love is leaving me and I don't know why....

What was once good in my life will soon be no more. The one who I love, is leaving me. She thinks that if I know about her I'll reject her or shun her. Why would I reject her? Why does she belive that she's not worth it? Does she not understand how much she means to me? How much I am willing to go through for her sake? That the last thing I'd do is judge her or hate her!!! Does she not know that my love for her runs deeper than that?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Dark thoughts, dark days and dark places

I've had good days. This wasn't one of them. What it lacked in goodness it more than made up for in memory.

At some point last night, I paid a visit to a dark place. A place that I call the dark room of my heart. where I keep all the bad things about me. A place filled with past failures, fears, doubts and self loathing. I believe that we all have such places, with different sizes of rooms. where we keep all those things that we are afraid to tell anyone. Where we hide part  of the reality that we are not perfect after all.
And I'm not talking about vices and ills. No, the really bad stuff. that which changes our entire outlook.

I woke up in this place and was in a sour mood all morning. I needed to keep away from people, but it wasn't working. After all  I needed to work.
Then I went ahead and compounded the situation. Usually I keep these things to myself, but today I decided to share them with the world. What a mess... things just seemed to spiral from bad to worse. People in the office took one look at me and knew to keep off, but I went all open on B with no warning... completely ruined her day.

So this post serves as my humble apology.

I'm sorry for making you feel anything other than special. For being the cause of your anxiety; being responsible for wiping the smile off your face. And especially at this time where we're going through a tough patch.I love you and promise to everything in my power never to take you through anything like this again.
I hope you forgive me. that you'll be able to turn that frown of yours upside down... that you'll once again laugh at my silent jokes!!

The doorman

He's always there when you need him.A silent shadow.
From dawn to dusk he opens the door for people. Never stepping in, never walking away. always being there for the people.
Occasionally, someone may notice him, give him a nod or a cursory glance. And on that rare occasion some stop. Mostly to inquire rarely to say hi. For the most part he's ignored, he's been there so long he might as well be the welcome mat.

I wonder what goes through his mind ? What are his hopes and dreams? Wouldn't he one day want to walk in. To enjoy what every one does. To be the guest and not the welcome mat...

Is he destined to be the doorman? Doomed to give others what they want, never to get into the building?
Why? Why does dream? Why does he hope? Whya does he try? Only feel like he keeps failing at this?

Always pushed aside. Always hearing the same fucking words. "You're a good guy I'm sure you'll find someone one day." Yes. Someone else. Some one to repeat those very same words... He can only take so much rejection. Only live through to much dejection

Perhaps it would be better not to have never been at the door in the first place. Never to have had a chance to peer in. To have thought that maybe somewhere inside there was room for him.

The question he asks himself today; the prayer he prays from the bottom of his heart; the tears he sheds for nights on end; the cry of pain he lets out this morning; is whether he shall never be more than a doorman?

Monday, March 21, 2011

what a weekend

I was woken up by the beautiful sound of B. I swear that girl has a way of making my days absolutely amazing!!! And this was the best start ever.
I attended some pre-wedding traditional ceremony with some pals. On the way there we had a short adventure where we got stuck in the mud... (writing home about it)
When the ceremony was done, we went out for drinks, but I couldnt stay out for long. The rain plus my health meant I had to leave early. But it was fun chilling with the old crew.

Saturday Night
I call this confession night. I had missed B sorely all day and If I was to have my way she' be lying next to me. as soon as I got home I got to chattin with her online. Hearing from her was just AMAZING!!!! so so amazing. i am still dumbfounded that I have her in my life. I thank God for her everyday. we chat for a long time...and one story led to another and another, and before I knew it I had told her the story of my ex.
It still pains me to relive those memories, but at the same time I felt good sharing with someone who I loved what I had gone through.

Sunday Morning
I had slept late the previous night after chatting with B and didnt feel like going to church and so slept in.

Sunday Afternoon.
I was to meet B in the evening and needed to come up with a beautiful plan. my creative juices weren't up, so I just bummed and watched TV. Before I realised it was 3 and I needed to run. still without a plan....rushed all the way to town to see who can only be described as;

We ended up driving around aimlessly and I loved it especially the lunch, unfortunatley only one of us got desert, but we both enjoyed it. I love you B!!! Only girl in the world!

B, you're my little flower, the most precious jewel in the world.
the one whom I love from all sides,
the one I want to marry and care for,
the one who I want to call my wife,
the one who we'll raise many babies with,

I love you today, I'll love you tomorrow
and if God allows and you consent, I'll love you for always
the only one who deserves my love.

Bloody consultants

Can all these foreign consultants go back home we can manage quite fine without you.

I have had the "opportunity" to work alongside a white consultant in preparing some marketing program for development agencies and I'm at my wits end. if she asks me one more stupid question I shall explode and slap her.

This lady came out of the blue selling herself of as a professional designer come marketer and she don't know shit about what she's doing. It only seems that she's getting along well with one of my bosses who shares a similar skin tone. And that her husband is a big someone somewhere who can help us get a good business deal!!

Now I wouldn't mind if she was just pretty and blond and got the job because of her family connections. What ticks me off is that she actually believes in her mind that she's an expert.

And because of some power she wields by association, she's walks around the office as if she's some sort of princess. And now she wants to stand over my shoulder and tell me how to do my job.

Dear lady, you may have intimidated a few people in the office, but I am not them. I am a different kettle of fish. Be careful!!! I bite. HARD!!!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

What is Love?

I'm speaking of the love between a man and a woman.
Is it a warm fuzzy feeling that one gets when they are with someone special?
Is it the passion that one has that can drive two people wild?
Is it the way a man would do anything to provide and protect the woman he loves?
Or is it the way a woman would want to care for and nurture her man?

1 Corinthians 13 describes love like this:
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails... 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Now I know the love described here is a perfect love. One that we should all strive to reach. I also notice that in this definition of love, God does not allude to feelings and emotions. Why is that?

I think it is because feelings can deceive people and are prone to manipulation by others. And I believe that many people get into relationships with the wrong mindset as regards love. They come in with the excitement of feelings and emotions. When those these fade, they opt to end the relationship and move on to the next person who makes them feel nice.

I cannot deny the prescence of feelings and emotions makes loving someone so much sweeter. It's is the cherry on top of the cake. but don't mistake the cherry for the cake. True love goes beyond the bells and whistles. It's hard work. It involves effort, sacrifice, courage, hope and may even include some pain.

You put in effort to those you love to make them happy.
You sacrifice for those you love because they are important to you.
You must have the courage to let this person see you as you are and take the risk that they could break you; and that's probably the hardest thing to do. To commit
You must hope in the person and in each other.
and you must be aware that pain willl come, but it does not last.

We have all at one time or another been hurt by those we love; friends and family alike, but do we discard them? Sometimes we do especially the friends. but until we forgive them and eventually stop carrying grudges against them, they will always have a hold on us. one that we cannot get rid off easily.

So where am I going with this? I honestly don't know. I'm speaking as one who has been hurt before. Having been in a loveless relationship, I had stopped believing that there was love out there for me that maybe I was the bridesmaid never the bride. Till today, I still can't shake off that fear. When I hear all the sob stories that MANY of my friends have gone through in the name of love, the world gets a lot darker and colder.

But somehow God has began to make a believer out of me. When the night was darkest, is when he shone his light. And although I still deal with a lot of fears and doubts, I know one thing. Love does exist. and it's out there, maybe even for me.

Friday, March 18, 2011

meetings meetings meetings

Has there ever been a bigger waste of time in this world?
I hate meetings especially where the convenor is one who loves the sound of their own voice.
and I especially het the ones where the first few words start like' "I just wanted us to touch base and see how......" that's an indication that this person is bored and wanted someone else to accompany their boredom.
whay call a meeting for something that a simple phonecall would solve? It's just useless.
And managers are especially notorious for calling many uneccessary meetings where people come to discuss things that have already been agreed on. you can do that in the corridor/lift (basically when you randomly bump into me.)
And this breed of managers want to be consulted on every simple detail of a project. They are full of stupid questions and cant really seem to give the necessary authority to go along with any responsibility the pass on to subordinates.
You probably know these people. They always seem to have their desks full with tons of work that doesn't seem to be done. They hae probebly attended a course or two to help them manage, but it's futile because they cannot trust the junoir staff to run with some things. Eventually they become frustrated at the juniors who cant seem to deliver, but that's only because the junior is tired of being second guessed at every turn!!!!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

you're fired!!!!!

What the hell is wrong with some people?
There is a punk I know who I think is an absolute clown. Thing is I have been charged with taking up certain tasks in the office. Specifically to look at the papers and pick out any items that affect our Co. whether in terms of clients or opportunities (you get the drift) As a result we have papers delivered to us every morning to facilitate this.
However, things have taken an interesting twist. My boss has suddenly taken up the papers for himself and insists thay are his. and he can do that after all he's the boss. He wants a report to him every morning on what the latest news are, but takes the very material required to generate it, wht does he think I'll do? I dont really give a flying fuck whether he uses them as TP or wraps meat to take home to his family, just don't take away the tools and expect me to give you results. And what the hell does he do reading the papers each morning until 11? No wonder he's always pending late night here alone...
Problem is he's not alone. It seems like there's an epidemic going round of bosses asking you for results when they have taken away the tools!! punks!! Or is it an experiment to see how far they can push us before we revolt.
Dear bosses remember Tunisia and Egypt.
When you frustrate your workers all that happens is the setting of fuel and right now in the Kenyan scene, a lot of companies have been dousing fuel all over themselves as they mistreat their employees.
And in some, the spark has been lit and a fire is coming!!
There's a revolution happening. When will the people at the top wake up and smell the roses?

We like sheep are led astray....

Kenya is full of sheep. Here’s why

This morning as I was coming into town I couldn’t help to notice how much people are like sheep. There I was driving into town and I couldn’t help but notice following a Public Service Vehicle (PSV) a few cars ahead of weave its way through traffic and how, as any Kenyan will tell you, it treated the traffic lights as a colourful distraction on its way wherever...The cars following it bravely blasted past the red light at the junction seemingly steered on by the actions of the bus before them.

This reminded me of a time I had decided to conduct a small experiment on the Kenyan driver psyche. I stopped. You should have seen the face of the driver next to me. His was a look of utter confusion. He had this confused look on his face as he brought his car to a screeching halt. We were at the junction for a few minutes where the man spent his time constantly looking around to see if there was any policeman/looming danger like falling rocks that had somehow missed his attention. Nothing!! And all the time edging his car forward an inch at a time.... sheep

In a bid to improve myself personally as well as professionally I have been attending some classes at a local college, studying for some professional papers. The class is quite lively. I particularly enjoy the experience of arguing over something more worthwhile than the price of cabbage at the local store. But there is a problem. It seems that the majority of my colleagues are crippled when it comes to taking initiative. Only a few of us ever seem to speak up and direct class discussions, the rest are content to be led, or grumble at “our” dictatorship.... sheep

The Kenyan people. Oh my people. And here I speak to the poor and destitute. The majority who actually decide the election results in Kenya. We keep falling for the same old tricks politician campaigns by giving you water tank. The fact that it’s only 1 tank doesn’t get through the thick skulls of some people that this is one tank is to serve how many people? Once you vote him in, he disposes the tank and continues to peddle drugs to the voter’s kids.... sheep

There are numerous example of how we are a nation of sheep; constantly being led astray, or wherever the biggest sheep wants to go. I doubt we have shepherds.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

It is well with my soul

It's amazing how wonderful God can be. and it's amazing how often we forget that
I have been in a pbad place for the last few days and it's affected everyone around me, friends and family alike.
I needed to settle my hear and put my mind at peace. So I took a walk and found myself on a park bench where I sat in silence / dozed off for about half an hour having uttered a simple prayer. "Dear God please forgive me of the wrong I've done and give me peace"
And He I was walking back to the office, the following hymn came to me. It's my prayer to the Lord for the life I have and the many blessings of the people He has put in my life.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Monday, March 14, 2011


Friend no.1
This is the most common friend one has also known as an acquaintance. Probably a workmate, classmate or neighbour who you share something in common. But these friends disappear once the commonality is gone. Very few make it beyond this stage. And it's understandable when it happens.

Friend no.2
these are the seasonal friends. They tend to drift in and out of your life every few years. And you may not even notice. They are the kind who are the subject of statements like "x has been lost. I should call them soon." they're not fair weather friends, just can't stick around much.

Friend no.3
These are the ones who you keep in what is called the inner circle. They are the ones we do our fun stuff with. the one's you go on trips together, the ones who you actually go out of your way to seek. You probably met in uni or a mix brought about by some 3/4 close friends who pull in the rest.

Friend no. 4
These are the ones who hold a special place in one's heart. they go beyond the inner circle. They are the ones who if they were asked to describe you wouldn't be quite sure how to do it. Yet they are the ones who within 5 minutes of meeting you can tell that you are sick or hiding a secret. Mostly they are not afraid of you. because you have assured them of your friendship and therefore they can tell you anything. this of course doesn't mean that they tell you all, or that you don't fight. It's just that you cannot afford to lose them because they mean the world to you.

I have exactly three friends like these. Only three that I can think of that I would sell my limbs to get them out of trouble. Only one of them (my B) will read this, but all of them already know how much they mean to me.

Coming soon....the sequel to this series, "my three friends" (cue music: ten teren!)
definitely in a better mood

Confusion galore

I was once asked me what super power I would want. I answered I'd like to walk throught walls.

In retrospect, I have changed my mind. I want to hear thoughts. To be specific, the thoughts of a woman. There is no one in this world that confuses me more than a woman. And when I'm in love, it's 10 times worse.

I literally need to see a womans face to get an idea what's going through their mind. and even then, there is no guarantee that I can know what's happening. I can still be left as clueless as a father to his new born child.

And the one thing that leaves my mind spinning is the speed at which a man can turn from friend to foe. You go to sleep on as "prince charming" and wake up the next morning "enemy of the state" and a few days later you're back to being "my boo!"

Even with all the confusion they bring I still love them. I still can't live without them!!

Angry morning

As you can guess from the title today I am feeling a bit angry at the world.
I dont know why, neither do I need a fuckin' reason to be..... nor do I need to tell you
I just am

If there's one thing that I hate it's being told what to do.
I had a lot of that as a child and I certainly do not wish to carry it through my adult life.

but there are people all around me telling me what to do, when to do and how to do it!!
I don't need your bloody advice. Infact you can take that advice and shove it up your ass until you puke it all out. YOU BASTARD!!!!
What makes you think that I look up to you in any way shape or form?
Why the hell would I want to be like you?
It's not that you're a bad person. I'm sure you're as perfect as I am, I just dont see myself taking crap from you; at least not today.

With the way things have started today, I fear I shall release this anger at someone. There are a selected few who I care too much for to explode at them. even thouhg I know they would be the most understanding.
Everyone else is fair game!!!! Pray it won't be you!!!
So it's best to keep off my path at least until I cool off from this shitty meeting i'm about to get into........

Sunday, March 13, 2011

B, Burgers the moon and Orion's belt

The above things formed the perfect Friday night.

She was absolutely perfect and still is. Happy, playful, cheeky, frisky, adventurous, witty making fun of me at every turn. And did I mention that she looked Super Hot as always. She had me absolutely love struck from the point I heard her voice over the phone speaking some kyuk till today, a whole two days later. The romance was definitely there in plenty, and this was coupled with quite some passion.

Bacon Burgers were in the menu. To be specific Bacon beef burgers from Burger Hut. Our place. Nowhere else. And these burgers always taste better when eaten with someone you love.

The moon and Orion's belt
The perfect setting for the evening. Sitting at the parking lot looking at the moon shine illuminate B, was the perfect sight to send me to nirvana.
But don't be fooled, the sight in the night sky is nothing compared to the stars that I saw when our lips locked into a passionate kiss!!

I love you Friday ever.


The title says it all. This is a toast to the woman who I love more than I ever have loved anyone else.
The more I know her, the more wonderful she becomes. And she's ever done to get me this wrapped up is been herself.

I actually feel like a little puppy; her puppy. One that's just been released from the dog pound where is has been languishing for quite a while.

It is still beyond me how compatible we are and how much we seek the same things in life..... but most of all is how she can take the crap that I have in me and accept me for who I am.

To add to that she has shown me some part of her that she was previously kept away in fear and you know what I love her more after that. B is an amazing woman in all accounts. the perfect woman fro me.

Being with her makes me feel like I am living a dream, only to wake up to see her face and realise that yes I have just woken into the dream of my life......

I pray all blessing into her life. May she always have joy and love in her life. May she experiene the happiness of a loving husband who treats her like a queen and amazing kids who dote and appreciate her everyday. May her dark days be short and her bright days last forever. May she see the world in all it's beauty. May she succeed in all she does!!!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I live and I learn

I haven't written anything in a few days. Not that there's nothing to post, I've been caught up with other things...
My team was knocked out of the champions league. Although they gave a good account of themselves in the return leg, losing that first game was an error that will haunt them forever.

I have an illness that's threatening to recur. I refuse it in Jesus name. I declare myself whole. Of course that means no more late nights. I have to arrange my days better and do more then. This is a good thing.

I thank God for the two great gifts that He has given me in my life

The first is His love. That love that knows no bound nor has any limits. It is the love that washes all my sins away and truly makes me whole. That even when I stumble and fall where I have fallen before and hated  myself. he has reassured me of His undying love and that though I struggle that does not separate us. I am truly His son!!!

Second is the love he has given me through B. An amazing woman in every sense of the word. And today she stepped it up a notch. Her words of inspiration have pushed me to take a the next step in life..... no wonder I was calling her all day. She's too amazing!!! (love you B)
Because of her I can smile a day after the loss. I have never recovered from a Milan loss this fast. NEVER!!

And what about that moon tonight? what I wouldn't give to have B in my arms as we star at the night sky!!

So, what's the conclusion? I'm living and learning; but most of all I'm loving

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

the important ones

Today's womens day and after much pressure, I have decided to do something for the important womeni in my life.
So, this post is dedicated to the three important women in my life. My mother, my sister and my B

You gave me the life that I now have. you have been a guide a comfort and a healer. you have always been there fro me when I want and when I was too stubborn to ask for help. I appreciate the sacrifices that you have made for me. And now that I am in your eternal debt, I shall continue to payback for all that you have given me. Not just out of a sense of debt, but as a symbol of my gratitude.

First of all, Power to the mamas!! woohoo!!!
Ok seriously. thank you for keeping me on the straight and narrow and for knowing me so well. for calling things as you see them and letting me be, when I need to just be. You are the most awesome sister one could have. And i'm not just saying that because you're my only sis. i have looked around and I'm sure you're bila substitute. hee hee!!! Ok seriously. I haven't looked around; and that's because I never have to.

The no.1 topic of my posts. Thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!! For seeing the good bad and weird side of me and takingit all in. It is you who God sent to help me put my dark days behind me and you who I have fallend for so badly, that the sound of cracking whips is in my every thought with you.

I love you all. IN DIFFERENT WAYS!!!! I wouldnt be the person I am without you three.
I thank kgod for you every day. and although I didnt get you a dozen roses, a box of chocolate or a bottle of wine, (and I know you didnt expect it from me) I carry you in the warmest part of my heart and treasure you deeply!!!

Monday, March 07, 2011

what's next

I'm speaking from a troubled mind this evening. a mind plagued in fear.
The worst bit is that some of my worst fears have been confirmed.

We started as lovers and friends. Those were beautiful days; days of happiness and bliss, but I couldnt have her then. She was a step away. There was another person in the picture and my prescence was only causing problems. So I took the difficult decision to walk away. It was one of the most difficult and painful decisions I had to make, but it was the right thing to do. I couldn't continue to pull her heart apart.

Fast forward almost 5 years later with little contact she's back in my life again. And this time I knew I couldn't have her yet... She's just gone through hell and the scars keep haunting her. I want her more than anything..... but she pushes me away out of fear. and it's a genuine fear. If I was in her shoes I'd probably do the same thing.

Will she be the one I shall always desire and never have?
I cannot live like this. Never having this amazing person. Everything we have is on a knifes edge. A simple breeze would push it either way.
I know she still loves him and if he called she'd go back to him. But where does that leave me? am I setting myself up for a painful period? What am I to do? I can pour my heart to her, but ultimately the choice is hers. I cannot walk away. I can't leave again If I miss her this time I'll never forgive myself. I cant live a life of regret. I'd rather my heart is broken in a million pieces. And if she's not the one for me who is?

God you need to do something and soon.... we're both hurting here. We need you

Dear God

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Matthew 6:7

I believe the above statement is true. But that does not make it easy to abide to. I have been praying to God over some issues. I am sure that he shall provide a breakthrough and answer all these prayers. But even with this knowledge, I have such a tough time that I can’t help but to cry to God over and over again over the same thing because I am not sure that I have been heard.

It is possible that I do not know the voice of God; or that I am impatient; or that my eyes are closed and I cannot see the work he has begun to do.

Dear God, I need to hear you on several issues.

Why does life have to be so hard for some people? Why is it that everyone seems to be moving long fine while your children struggle and suffer? How can you stand and see people suffer?

I know you see their pain and anguish and that your heart cries out to them. You are all mighty and powerful. Why won’t you take away their pain in an instant.....wipe those tears away?

This prayer is not a challenge to you. For who am I to question the King of Kings. I am just a mere man; a being created by you. It is a prayer of confusion a prayer of desperation!

I beg you to hear me and come down and just give us your touch. And that is all we need a touch from you. And it shall heal us

Juventus vs AC Milan 0-1

Friday, March 04, 2011

the woman I want

She’s the one who sat by the pool and made me realize how 
crazy I was about her
She’s one I next saw on Christmas Eve and later after that in my dreams
She’s one who I got to spend New Year’s Eve with, if only in spirit

She’s the very first girl I spent a day with this year. And still the only one I’d want to spend with
She’s one who took my concentration away during two entire movies
She’s the one who I pushed against the wall as I kissed her passionately, and still long to kiss again

She’s only one I’ve ever taken on a trip solo put of town, 
and was high to think I’d leave her by the road side
She’s the one who let me fall asleep in my arms after a long tiring trip.

She’s the one who came on skype and chatted when quite sleepy
She’s one who banned me from seeing her for the rest of a month
She’s the very same one whose hand I didn’t want to let go of last night,

The woman who loves to kid and play with me just for kicks
The one who reads my silly blog every single day
The one who’s fallen asleep on phone calls countless times
The one who carries around my heart like a trophy of war
The one who keeps me whipped all round the clock
The one who takes me for those beautiful walks in the park
The one who first called me B, and the only one allowed to call that

She who has the biggest heart
She who carries the most beautiful smile
She who loves to spoil me and doesn’t want me to spoil her
She who has such a sweet sultry voice I never want to hang up the phone
She with the hot body!!

She’s the one who lets me be with her after all she’s been through
She’s the one who knows ALL my weaknesses and doesn’t hold them against me
She’s one of the strongest women I know, One who fights to be alive everyday
She’s the one who gives 100% to her family and has a special relationship with her sis!!
She’s the one who is a child inside and is still all woman

She’s the one who’s scared of so many things and unsure of even more
She’s the one who doesn’t need to fear and shouldn’t be more sure of how amazing she is

The one I email, call and text every day
The one I’d miss work for
The one I’d travel across the world to be with
The one I’d change ways for
The one I‘d go shopping with, she with amazing taste
The one I’d wake up early and sleep late for if it would bring her the world.
The only one I’d walk in the rain with
The very same one who doesn’t want me to do this very things (very stubborn)

And if there is a doubt anywhere,
She’s the one I’m katiaing with this poem
She who knows this post is from her because she’s my muse

She is B

To lovely days and not so lovely days

Lovely days

Yesterday was a lovely day by all standards. B came to my office and made me leave work early!!! There is not greater blessing. I hadn't seen her for what seems like months and I was dying inside. From a lack of what I call vitamin B!!

This thing called technology makes you feel like you are close to someone, because they are always reachable on phone, email, chat and txt. And it can deceive you to think that you're actually close to someone when you're not.

Seeing her last night (although only for 15 mins) made me realise that there is no substitute for the real thing; for seeing and touching a living breathing person who's means the world to you; and there will never be a substitute for B!!

Not so lovely days

Today, I met a pal over lunch. During the meal, she went on to confess that she was dumped by her dude of two months a week ago.

What was her mistake? She didn't love enough. And she admitted that because of being hurt by her ex, she was holding back in her new relationship. The dude couldn't get his head round the fact that:

He was being compared to her ex

She believed that he would do such a thing to her

I guess the saying "once bitten twice shy" rings true in this case and in many cases. Good news is that they're working through this to try and get back together.

Final thought

This is the second time this week that I have heard someone complain that they are not loved enough and so ended it. And in both cases it involves people who've loved before, been hurt and therefore are shy of loving wholly again. Not because they do not care for the person in question, but that they still suffer from the pain of the past and fear it coming back, because they're not sure they'll survive it again.

I know many people don't admit it, but we all at some point compare our new relationship with a past one. It's human nature. We want to see if we can spot the mistakes that we made in the first one and hopefully correct them before it is too late and we find ourselves on the side of the road crying from the pain of yet another break up.

Unfortunately, in doing so, we do not love enough. We hold back an essential part of ourselves that would give a relationship real fire and passion. And to compound this, we sometimes don't even tell the other person what's going on and why it's going on; fearing that they'll head for the hills.

Take it from me, if they do run then good riddance. They never loved you enough to take you as you are. Better to lose someone in honesty than to keep them while living a half truth/lie.

So, what to do? The greatest thing we all have to overcome is fear.

I'm not saying throw caution to the wind. No. Just remember that this new person isn't the old one. They are different. Keep a watchful eye, and if they give you no reason to doubt their love, don't be the one to give them a reason to doubt yours. I know this is all easier said than done. But I am a human being writing this. I have gone through this and will continue to struggle for it because I believe that the love I have for B is worth it.

Don't lose your love for the reason of you not telling them the truth about your fears because it will still sting. You will hurt and cry, but even worse is that they may forever remain a what if. And we all hate what ifs!!

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Of other peoples problems, Ex's and Sleep

Other peoples problems

I work in a somewhat high pressure environment where things are needed yesterday and everyone's work is important and urgent!!!!
I usually walk out of the office at the official check out time disregarding calls and emails that are generally the result of someone not planning themselves well. But this evening I get a call and to take up some work that is from the CEO. (Not him personally, but I could see his hand behind it all)
So I am willing to take one for the team this once; given the powers that be. However the problem I have with this particular messenger is that they have developed a habit of always being last minute in handing in their work and expecting you to bear the burden of rushing around chasing poeple to perfom mini miracles for them. Well the CEO might be a rock, but today they've met a hard place. I aint running up and down for no one. I shall sit at my desk and give orders. If the summon the big boss I shall act a fool and say "I expected that proffessionals would hand in work in time" hahahahahahaha!!!!


This evening my ex calls me saying "hey, can we meet up for lunch?" Now I'm not too enthusiastic for the idea, but after informing my B, I decide what's the worst 1 lunch can do?
So I did meet her for lunch. It was quite generic. talking about the weather, work and other above the line things. Thank God it's over. It was difficult to hide the tension. I have nothing against her I just dont seek her company as I used to.
B will do that to you!!!


I have not been sleeping well for the last few days. Mosquitos are the cause of the "insomnia." Even after performing acts remniniscent of the 300 by displaying the dead and lifeless bodies of fallen mosquito warriors, they just don't seem to get the hint. They're either too stupid, or brave. (I go for the latter). As a result I am moving this battle into the modern age.
Tonight we go CHEMICAL WARFARE!!!!

Wednesday, March 02, 2011


If you are a Christian and are currently going through hard times and especially if the hard times are brought about by temptation let me tell you something, you are going through the sama things that every other Christian is going through.

We all face temptation form the devil every single day, but God has given us the grace and strength to conquer it and grow stronger in him. 1 Corinthians 10:13

And even if you are to fall, remember that God loves you. Romans 8:35-39. Remember that the aim of the devil is to put you down any way he can.

One of the ways that I have recently come to learn is by plaguing you with fear and doubt; that God won’t forgive you and doesn’t love you. He will attempt to fill your mind with thoughts of defeat and acceptance that the sin that you do is a part of you.

I was recently in such situation that where my belief in God’s power to conquer the sin in my life wasn’t sufficient. I carried guilt with me all day that I was unworthy of God’s love and favour and that my fate was sealed by the sin that was in my life. Coupled with that, I had reached the lowest of points where I had accepted this sin as part of my life. As a part of me; yet it wasn’t.

It has been a long a hard struggle trying to come back to a place where I feel forgiven and whole once again, but a few words that a friend of mine shared with me.

“.....You need to stop worrying about failing in the future. Why are you so sure that you’ll fail? Why do you let your thoughts drive you to negative conclusions? Believe in yourself and in and in God too. The Mighty God we serve never forsakes his people. Stop worrying about that which you have no control over, that which has not even come to pass. Focus on now, that which you can control and leave the rest to God.....”

These are words that I shall treasure for the rest of my life. God sent someone to tell me what I needed to hear at the exact time I needed to hear them.

I thank Him for B. The friend He gave me to help me walk through this tough time. And I pray knowing that he shall do the same for you.

short and sweet

There is no formula to winning your heart.
I can't read a manual or a book to know you;
nor can I follow a series of steps that should be taken;
nor would reading your journal present a formula;
neither can the recital of sonnets and prose going to win your heart.
What I have to do is seek after you.
To be there right next to you
to laugh together cry together.
to be able to share my life with you
and hopefully get you to do the same....

Tuesday, March 01, 2011


We all have situations that just drive us up the wall. My number one thing that pisses me off is to see the lack of use of what is called common sense.

Just the other day I was to make a presentation with my boss to the office over some stuff and he really got me BORED!!!! Now you need to understand my boss in order for this story to make sense.

He is one of those long winded types. He loves to hear the sound of his voice above all else. The problem with this is that sometimes he often has the misfortune of going on and on and on without realising that his intended audience switched off an hour ago. This has happened countless times to me when I attend meetings with him.

Second thing is that when he comes into a process, he loves taking up everything and running it his way with little or no regard for other’s opinions. I don’t have a problem with that at all, but what I do have a problem with is when one wants to take up all the glory and none of the shame especially when things go wrong.

So back to my story. We were running a campaign for something and I had already been making a series of presentations to various teams as part of that process. Now, I am pragmatic in nature I really only do what’s needed and don’t bother feeding details to people that are otherwise irrelevant to them.

Now this dude came in, took a presentation that had been prepared for an entirely different audience (Foreign European) and just copy pasted it to present to our local African audience. Think of it as taking boardroom and making the same presentation to my village elders without any edits to their situation. It’s not that they’re daft it’s just that it’s not relevant to them. And that is what happened in my case.

So I say. Come on man get a grip!!! You claim to have extensive experience in the industry: Use it. Try and be relevant to the audience that you are speaking to; especially when the presentation is about them being relevant to the people that they are going to speak to in future. Otherwise you just become a paradox and that can’t be a good thing.

AC Milan vs Napoli