Wednesday, September 21, 2011

mind of bachelor me

I met a friend of mine on Monday evening. We were chatting about various things and of course given the stage in life that we find ourselves in, the topic of marriage came up. Now when it comes to relationships, I play my cards pretty close to the chest. So I went ahead and gave a her my strategic vision 2015 (last year it was 2014) and she went on to bash my grandiose plans and tell me how I shall be whipped by a certain lady (B comes to mind) and shall get married within 6 months of meeting the girl.
If only she knew how I think... I am not an alpha male, I lay no claim to that. I am the stuff alpha males are made off. I am Man 1.0 The original version not these cheap copies hovering around. Now people misunderstand me when I make such statements. They take it to mean a cold uncaring chauvinistic man, when that isn't what God intended it to be. I do care for those that I love, but I do not pretend to open my heart for everyone... We have over 6 billion people on earth, everyone is covered.
Back to the matter at hand. As I sat discussing matter of the heart with my friend I gave her the following candid view of how men date.
First, they spot the potential girl. Attraction is mostly by sight and a partly her character. If she comes off as too easy to get, it is unappealing, but too hard is also a turn off, the chase has to be there. However there are different levels for each man.
Now let us skip to the good parts. Every man counts the cost of a relationship; literally counts it. All men think rationally, and the investment they have made in you must yield fruit i.e. give birth to something greater. And if it appears that a wrong investment decision is made, we divest. And we cut our ties very fast. But we do so still seeking some return, however minor, for our investment.
NB: Ladies please don't go and insult me I am simply telling you the truth. I not being an exception 
(I am in so much trouble right now). 
At the  point of realisation of a "wrong investment decision" that is where the using, if any, starts. It could be anything from sex, money, to getting a hook up with your boss. You may or may not notice it, but it happens. Remember that last thing he asked from you before he said it was over? That might just be it. In some cases, these being the minority, a man my choose to cut his losses and go empty handed.
Why do we do this? Well, the simple answer is that we are men. This is how we are built and it is the only way we function properly. It is part of this make up that makes us better leaders. (Yes I said it. And if you are of the feminist movement and have a different opinion, speak up and we shall reason together.)
But do not lose heart ladies, don't equate yourself to an item on some balance sheet. No!! when a man invests in you he gives his all. He will never show it. You might think that he has, and if you do, trust me there is more up his sleeve. However it is against our nature to show our hand unless it is necessary to do so. Why do you think men lie to the women they cheat on? This is because in a warped way, they still want to give her more... this topic is for another post. I stop here

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Barcelona vs AC Milan: David won

One of the writers that I admire in the moderna age is Malcom Gladwell. I do not enjoy his reading for how he puts things, but rather the thoughts that he acuatllu puts down.

One of his pieces is titled How David Beats Goliath When underdogs break the rules. Basically he tries to show how David beats Goliath by not playin by Goliaths rules, but by disturbing the environment and playing to his own strengths. That was what we witnessed on tuesday night at the Camp Nou.

Time after time, teams have fallen to Barcelona's mighty sword; being overwhelmed by their neat play and lighting attacks. Some have even found themselves on the front foot at some point in the game, only to start playing into the hands of their opponents and hand the game over to them: Remember Man United in the 2011 final?

The game cannot be described as spectacular in terms of game play, but from a tactical point of view it was a masterpiece. And I do not say this just because I am a Milan fan. Here's my arguement.

Milancame into the game as the clear underdogs with the entire footbal fraternity expecting a white wash of sorts from the current European champions. Coming into this fixture, Milan had only played one competitive match, companred to Barelona's 3. In addition, while both teams were missing key players, the impact on Milan was seemingly greater than it was on the home side. Given this and their inconsistent pre-season, I did not have much hope for a draw...that was until I sat infront of my tv on Tuesday night

Milan had a plan and I believe they executed it brilliantly. When Pato blasted past Busquets and slotted the ball between Valdez legs, I began to get the sense that there was more to the Milan set up than met the eye. The rest of the game was almost all Barcelona and the got  through the defence on two occasions. However the manner in which Milan kept they cool  and bid their time was something to be admired. Even when they lost the lead, there was no rush or panic in the ranks, the players stuck to the plan. and it eventually paid off when Thiago popped up to head the ball into the net from a last minute corner.

Milan did not play a pretty game, but they surely played an intelligent one. They let Barca attack them all night in a way that expressed confidence in their ability to to defend. And whenever the chance arose, they tried to catch Barcelona on the break and expose their makeshift backline.

After a horrible campaign in Europe last season, Mister Allegri officially announced his arrival at this stage. and with well thought out performances like those, Milan could just turn out to be the dark horses of this tournament.

lovely afternoon

I spent part of Saturday with my B... It was beautiful. I took her to our favourite spot, that being anywhere she can be found, and I did not want to let her go, even though I knew that she needed to leave. Of late, it has become increasingly difficult to meet and share a laugh or two, and every moment I can grab with her is one that I carry in my heart until I next see her again. I had really missed the warmth of her company and even after leaving all I thought about for the rest of the evening and indeed the next day was her. 


she is going through tough times and pulls away every now and then to heal herself. However I have made up my mind to do what any real friend would do; to be around for her. and make her know that at any moment she needs me, I shall be there at her side. 


The good thing is that she is getting some help from people who can do so much more for her than I ever could. God is coming through and showing himself to her little by little. And it warms my heart to hear her smile over the phone, even when I know her world has lost almost all the colour that was once there. 


It is not easy to love someone when you know that there are forces ready to tear the two of you apart. I must admit that I sometimes find myself holding back a bit, not wanting to commit too much lest I get hurt, but at the same time every fibre of my being just wants to be with her.


As we sat and talked in that restaurant, she asked me to stop spoiling her. I was going to take it in jest, but the look in her eyes said otherwise. She tried to explain how she feels I am doing too much for her. I did not understand it fully because I know myself and I know that I would do so much more, but I did get what she saw of my actions. basically I needed to make my action clear to her and not leave her thinking that I was simply there to do her bidding... 


I know how being too much for someone can be detrimental and leave them feeling pressured to act in a way that they would not naturally do. In a way it is a good sign, but one cannot keep up the act forever, you eventually crack. 


This is not to say that what B does for me is an act. NOOO!! on the contrary I have not met anyone who is more sincere with me. And it's not just the words that come out of her lovely mouth, but the look in her eyes when she talks to me. Those eyes really shine through and cut through all her imperfections (if any exist!!) and speak directly from her heart to mine. Maybe that's why I am so taken by her.


In conclusion, what am I saying? 


Just a not to B, who will eventually read this:


Every time I am with you I never want to let you go, I want to be there with you. I want there to be an us, not just a you and me. And whatever comes out in the coming weeks, I promise to hold your hand through it. I might get angry and I might even get hurt even to the point of tears, but I will NOT let you go... DO NOT FEAR!! God above is with us.

Friday, September 09, 2011

policing your staff? that's just tacky

Believe it or not, the origin of this entire rant came from denial of facebook...


In the 1960's Douglas McGregor came up with a theory of motivation known as Theory X Theory Y to describe the two contrasting models of motivating a workforce.

Theory X assumes employees are inherently lazy and will avoid work if they can and that they inherently dislike work
Theory Y  assumes employees may be ambitious and self-motivated and exercise self-control.

Theory X has since been proven to be counter-effective in modern practice, but why do people still use it? In the place where I work, there are all sorts of controls to ensure that one does not have access to social media, you tube, personal mail etc. The reason: it is counterproductive to employment. Really are we that backward?

It is becoming increasingly evident that social media is actually becoming an important contributor to productivity in the work place. CEO's can get a feel of what people, especially influencers feel about their organisations, people can meet online and discuss ideas that can lead to change. It was social media that led to the North African revolutioins earlier this year... so why keep such powerful tools away from people?

Long gone are the days when having online access was  a preserve of the rich few, nowadays we can all enjoy browsing experience from the comfort of..... anywhere really. So, by accessing facebook, twitter or even yahoo mail at work is really nothing that will take one away from work. If your employee is spending all their time away from their duties, it is not that they are distraced by socialising, their work simply isn't a motivator for them any more.

Instead of policing their access shouldn't we teach people how to use these toosl fro their work? The office as we know it can no longer be limited to a brick and mortar building... it is something much much more and those who fail to see that the walls no longer exist will be left lagging far far behind. Technology is a brutal beast, it changes by the minute and punishes those who refuse to change with it.


The case where I was asked to please cease from accessing social media reminds me of a "do not walk on the grass" sign. It is in my nature to challenge commonly held beliefs. It is not that I want to walk on the grass, but when someon tells me not to, I ask myself "What will happen if I do?"
 
Haven't you ever wondered why people are always "doing" right next to the "do not" sign?

Thursday, September 08, 2011

my problems with our dear politicians

Where do I start? I am writing this post in order to avoid going out and shooting these guys with a rubberband and a rolled up piece of paper just like I used to secretly shoot the bully in primary school. Or that kid that I didn't like because he looked funny (And no jokes about me seeing my reflection in the mirror) I digress.

I have two issues with our leaders this week.

The first is this. They collectively cried and moaned, allegedly on our behalf, about power being too centralised. Therefore several years later we moved to have this constitution where power was decentralised from the president to the "people" (whoever thoe people are)
However, although power has been distributed, this only seems to be the case on paper. Mentally we are still living in the past. The current teacher's strike is testament to this. Parliamentarians (Is there such a word?) recently requested the principals to handle the situation. For what? I ask. Does the President/ Prime minister control the budget? Is it in their day to day mandate to deal with matter education?

The second is closely related. MP's recently moved a motion in what is now becoming cliche "record time" tom divert funds from the contingent fund in order to pay their taxes. Forgetting the moral argument, and looking at  it as a glegal issue, but shouldn't one be taxed on their income? And I would imagine that if one gets money from somewhere to pay their taxes, shouldn't they be also taxed on the money that they took to pay the loan, after all I do not believve that this is a loan. I would recognise it as income and slap a tax on that too? After all I do not think that this money will be paid back to the contingent fund by the MP's. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

not very serious

I have had this blog for over 5 years now. And I have not been very serious about it most of the time. I treat it like I treat many things in my life, a seasonal indulgence that I shall leave as soon as I get bored and return to as soon as I realise that I do actually have something good going on.

There have been several reasons why I have not been as consistent as I ought to be.
First is a raison d'etre. I had no reason for having the blog. It was something that I started on a whim without a plan. I simply thought that it would be interesting to do. As I walked along I had different ideas of what to concentrate on. Whether to focus on the things that I love such as cars and football or to rant and rave on the goings on in the country or to simply write it all... It is something that shall grow as we move along.

The second is the anonimity approach that I decided to take in authoring this blog. I live a life where, it would be better if most people did not know my dirty little secrets. Like the fact that I actually wear my heart on my sleeve. Or that I have been involved in certain dirty deeds.
I guess I am living a pretentious life, but aren't we all? However let me not justify myself with other's actions.
The approach of writing anonymously has limited the things that I can put down here. I am simply too lazy to go ahead and make up fake names for names and accomplices.

The reason I write is post comes from some spot of inspiratoin from another blogger, http://www.bikozulu.co.ke/ Maybe one day I can reach the level that he currently happens to be. for now I remain Tomas...

Thursday, September 01, 2011

strange evening

Tuesday evening was a strange one....

I left work expecting to meet up with a pal for drinks. So I headed to the spot where we were to meet and chilled for her. After meeting a few friends who happened to work in the building I eventually gave up and left... not really caring if she called or not. I know I am desperate for friends, but I wasn't going to wait forever... Too much pride.

Anyway, I took another walk across town, one of the 20 that I have done in the recent past for various reasons. And after clearing my head I began to head out of town. Just as I was passing outside a pub I heard the unmistakeable laugh of someone I know (Yes it is that unique!) I joined her and her two pals, X(a chic) and Y(a dude) who had offered to buy me a drink.

We got to talking about everything and nothing at the same time. And before long we were discussing drugs. Yes I'm not such a naive young man. To cut a long story short, I found myself taking these two pals of hers to buy weed cookies at some joint I know (Yes I have the no. to a weed guy).

After our little adventure, we returned to the pub excited at the prospect of experimentation... I was considering the prospect until X started tellling me how Horny she gets when she gets high. Then she started suggesting that she comes to my place...

I hit the panic button and started looking for the closest exit. Not that it was a bad thing to be hit on... It was quite flattering, but I am in love with someone else. And the last thing that I could contemplate right now is someone else in my life.